Infant to 2 Years of Age
- Have no understanding of death, but react to separation from caregivers and the emotions of primary caregivers.
- Feel a sense of loss and react to it. May be more withdrawn and/or distressed than usual.
Children 2 to 5 Years of Age
- Think death is reversible; people can die and come back to life.
- Believe the dead body can continue to think, feel, see, and hear.
- Believe in magical powers-that they can "will or wish" someone back to life.
- May have nightmares, increased fears, and anxiety.
- May act out aggressively and/or regress.
- May ask the same question over and over.
- May feel some responsibility for the death, or see death as a punishment for something they did.
- May have a harder time with feelings of being left out than feelings of sadness. It is very important to include young children in the process of death and bereavement.
- Take your words literally. To a young child "gone to sleep" means gone to bed and "lost" means can't find. Always use the words "dead," "died," or "dying."
Children 6 to 8 Years of Age
- Begin to understand that death is final.
- Cannot understand that death happens to everybody.
- Feel confused over permanence of death.
- Characters such as goblins or zombies can make children feel that death is a person.
- May act out aggressively and/or regress.
- May request more detailed, biological explanations of death. May also want detailed information about the deceased's illness or injury.
- May feel concerned about security issues. Often perceive they and their parents have an increased vulnerability to injury, illness, and death.
- Realize the loss of a close relationship. Talking about readjustment and emotions is helpful.
- May be more physical in their emotions and their grieving.
- Begin to express rather than hide their feelings. May display more of an on/off method of grieving.
Children 8 to 12 Years of Age
- Increased curiosity about the biology of death.
- Difficulty with peer interactions. The death of a loved one makes them feel different at a time when they want to be the same as everyone else. It is important to find ways to build their self-esteem.
- Shock, denial, anxiety and anger are all very common.
- May be increasingly aggressive. More acting out than usual (including being argumentative and combative) is normal. Avoid power struggles.
- Regressive behavior may be seen as increased clinging to adults.
- May experience big emotional releases. These can be scary for children at this age. Be there to accept, support and listen.
- May appear to be totally unaffected by the death.
Adolescents through Adulthood
- Better understand the finality of death.
- Begin to understand one's own vulnerability.
- May begin to ponder the meaning of life.
- Recognize the impact death has on the family. May feel insecure about the future.
- Can sometimes release emotions related to other existing problems.
- Often try to hide their emotions so their friends don't see them as abnormal or different. Conformity to peer group is at it's highest.
- May not feel comfortable talking to family and friends. Difficulty knowing who to turn to.
- May have difficulties with school, sleeping and/or regressive behaviors.
- May feel pressure to respond in the same way an adult might.
- Actively explore and/or question religious and/or spiritual beliefs. May ask questions such as "What kind of God would take my father way?"
Text provided by: Caring Connections, A Hope and Comfort in Grief, University of Utah Health Sciences Center. Caring Connections is sponsored in part by: The Ben B. and Iris M. Margolis Foundation.